Why do we think self care is selfish ?
Why do we assume that we have to care for others and put ourselves last ?
Why do we think that we can give our best when we are not giving to ourselves ?
Why do we feel guilty if we take some time out ?
Why do we use words like sloth or lazy ?
For most of us, we are many things to many people. We are mothers, daughters, sisters, wives, partners, workers, friends and domestic goddesses, chef and cleaner.
We constantly give our time, our energy, our emotions and our love to everyone and everything around us. But we forget to give those things to ourselves.
We believe it is our responsibility to give the best part of ourselves to whoever or whatever needs it. We enjoy being there for others, it can feed our soul, but too often it comes at a cost.
We give and we give and we give, then we fall into an exhausted heap at the end of the day. We struggle to say No to others and yes to us.
Even if we know that we need to feed ourselves with love, care, compassion and time, we will put that aside in the blink of an eye if someone or something else needs us, and if we are not careful, our tank gets empty. If we are running on empty we are shortchanging ourselves and all of those that we feel we need to give to.
A wise person once said to me. “You can only be selfless from a selfish point of view”.
I really had to think about this statement. I couldn’t understand how, that by being selfish, I was actually being selfless.
I came to realise that if our tank is empty and if we are not caring for ourselves then we are not really being of service to others. If we are exhausted, then how much of ourselves can we actually give. By being tired, we are often grumpy and not being our best selves and then self judgement kicks in. By not saying no sometimes, we feel compelled to do things that we don’t really want to do or don’t have the energy to do, and then feel resentment for doing it.
The truth is, If we don’t prioritise our self care, we burn out, we get unwell and are consumed by negative thoughts, feelings and language.
In order to give to others. We must first be Selfish. We need to allocate some time everyday to care for ourselves. To check in with ourselves and make sure that our tank is full. We need to give ourselves permission to just sit in the sun and do nothing except eat chocolate. We need to listen to our body and allow it some rest. We can learn to give ourselves permission to say no.
We must make ourselves a priority.
There is always going to be something to do or someone that needs us. There is never a perfect time to care for ourselves. So from this day forward. Make yourself the number 1 priority.
If you struggle with prioritising self care, remind yourself that you are worthy of self care. Be clear that actually doing self care is vitally important it in order to have a full tank to give to others. That if you give yourself a break, you will have more energy to share. By caring for yourself you have balance in your life and can really be a tower of strength for others. By caring for yourself, you are setting an example for others to care for themselves too. This way everybody wins.
It is up to you to care for you, you can not rely on others to prioritise you, You must prioritise yourself and become Selflessly Selfish.
Give to yourself today. Whatever that looks like. Run a bath. Meditate. Sit in the sun. Eat some chocolate. Go for a walk. Watch a movie. Make a lovely cup of tea or coffee and sit still and enjoy it while its still hot. Put on some music. Read a book. Only you know what soothes you. Only you can do it for you. Once you feel rejuvenated, you can be so much more for others and get so much more done.
Learn to nurture you and give yourself permission everyday to do that. Your wellbeing is vitally important. You are worth it.
With love and light