Self-Soothing-Giving Back to Yourself

self soothing

The Top 5 Motives To Give Back To Yourself

Self-soothing comes in many forms. We are conditioned from birth to use techniques or actions to calm our internal feelings, either by physical changes or verbal warnings. A child might express anger or crying when being told they cannot play with a certain toy. To calm themselves, they learn from verbal commands and mirroring positive actions.

As adults, we have no one to intercept our negative energy. This is where self-soothing comes into play. While it is important to understand the emotion attached to the situation, it is more important to understand why it is necessary to give back to yourself.

Let us look at the top five reasons people use self-soothing to remain focused and calm:

To master self-management.  Self-control is a skill learned throughout life. While impulses consistently present themselves, it is our rational side that determines the outcome. The idea is to train your “second guess” side to check on how the final decision will impact you in the moment. Over time, this will become natural when facing a difficult resolution.

Perhaps you are undecided about purchasing a new car. Your impulsive side will push your brain to make a quick decision, while the anxiety will want to wait. This is often referred to as the “fight or flight” mode. This is the time to self-regulate. Mentally make a list of the pros and cons. Consider your intention and motivation for wanting it. Acknowledge the apprehension and praise yourself for making a sensible commitment. 

To build their confidence.  As author Friedrich Nietzsche famously quoted, “But the worst enemy you can meet will always be yourself…” Overall, we are always harder on ourselves as opposed to others. This is how we learn and understand. In some cases, this can lead to further depression and anxiety if not mentally checked regularly. By consistently praising our own actions and words, we build the credence that our self-confident side needs.

Start with looking in the mirror. Instead of focusing on the physical reflection, make your personality the focal point. Praise the traits that you are proud of and consistently use. Address the cynical emotions that often present themselves in certain situations. Make a mental pact to learn from past responses and how you will retort next time. Remember to practice this often and consistently check in with your mental health.

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Photo by Sydney Rae on Unsplash

To remain focused.  As a society, we work best with repetition in our lives. We go to the same jobs, the same rules, the same peers, etc. This keeps us focused and earnest. However, when our “schedule” is thrown for a loop, we lose the ability to deal with the change logically.

This is when the flood of emotions come into the moment and detour the determined side of the brain. By repeatedly practicing observation of yourself and others, this will provide you with a better base level emotionally when facing changes, leading to a better outcome.

When dealing with peers out in the community, focus on how they are treating you and how you responded. Visually memorize the moment and what emotions were triggered. Consistently do this throughout your day. By immediately recognizing the negative aspects, this allows the brain to sort through the information head on and respond with a calm demeanor at that moment. With practice this will become part of your daily focus.


To protect their uniqueness.  In a world of many, it can be difficult to find your individuality. We are taught from a young age to follow others independence on the rules of life. How we must act, how we must speak, and how we must look, etc. As adults, the “life coaches” go away and we are left to find what makes us distinctive in a sea of millions. By being self-supporting in your personality, this makes you unique already. Safeguard your confidence and ignore the naysayers.


Perhaps what makes you unique is you prefer to be alone as opposed to socializing with large groups. When presented with invitations, you often decline. Others might find this to be stand offish or rude. You find yourself giving in to not be judged by others, leading to unwanted anxiety. Instead, speak to the host and let them know that you appreciate their invitation, but you will not be attending. This leaves your peers feeling neutral about you and your able to calmly go home.

be yourself written in sky

To give themselves overall comfort.  When the day seems to go on forever and is filled with negative moments, it can be damaging to the psyche and physically draining.  All emotions are spent, and you are left with exhaustion. This is the best time to self-soothe by providing for your internal solace. Surround yourself with things that only bring happiness and easement. Take the time to detox from the day and rest easier.

If a hot shower and good book sound appeasing, give into those urges as opposed to going straight to bed. Allow your mind to work through the day in the background and use the time to focus on the feelings you are experiencing at that moment instead. When you are ready to sleep, put away the book and put away the day. Tomorrow will be a new day.

In Conclusion

Self-soothing needs to part of your everyday actions. Remember to nurture your emotions and appreciate yourself daily. As American author Brian Tracey once quoted, “Set peace of mind as your highest goal and organize your life around it.”

peaceful mindset

About the Author Jennifer RegularKnown as, “The Soul Illuminator”, Jennifer Regular specializes in helping Thought Leaders, Creatives and Visionaries direct the life they live so they can create global impact, make the impossible possible, and fulfill their life mission. She is an International Speaker, Author of Embrace Your Power: A Healing Journal of Self-Discovery, and Podcast Host. https://linktr.ee/lighting.the.path

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